A Letter To My Dad

Dear dad,

First of all, do you miss me? Do you miss mom and your son?
Because I do, we all really do.
We're wondering every single day how different it would be if you were here, staying alive with us in this cruel, crazy world.

By the way, you have missed many crucial events in my life! How dare you. However, I'm kindly willing to update you about those. You missed my high school graduation, you missed my college rejection, you missed my college acceptance, you missed my first salary! You missed my thesis defence and college graduation as well. I don't know if you attended those moments in different form I have never imagined.

May be you have forgotten us, or may be not. But, let me tell you about what I think it would be if you were here.

In my eyes, you were the most awkward person I ever know in my whole life. Thanks anyway for giving me that specific trait. You really couldn't ask strangers for giving us direction when we're lost in Semarang. You also couldn't face a linmas officer who came to our house and so on.

I imagined on Sunday morning in 2013, we had a guest, a stranger who turns out to be the buyer of our old stoves because you insisted to buy a new one last week. You would call mom and ask her to accompany you to face the stranger. She would be very irritated by your behaviour, but you would make a joke so that she smiled.

Or may be in the middle of the night in October-ish 2015, you would video-call me using front camera with mom and asked how was it going in Bandung, how was my college life, was I happy? Did I eat well? And I would be answering your question with the typical "yeeeessss" or "noooo".

The whole 2016 and 2017 you would be very busy helping me with structure mechanic stuffs that you were really good at. You'd teach me about thermodynamics shits and the differential equations. Sometimes you, mom, and my brother would visit me in Bandung, and I'd be working as a barista and you pretended to be a tourist and asked me about coffee, even you were not a big fan of coffee.
You'd say things like what mom actually said after picked me up from work, "don't get too tired of working, take care of your health." Besides that, you also would send me memes on whatsapp and told us the dad-jokes that nobody can't see the funny part, except you.

On my thesis defence day you and mom would come to campus, took a picture together at the most photographed plaza. I knew you wouldn't bring me flowers, but you would bring me an unexpected gift, such as kue cucur or may be a romance novel, I don't have any idea honestly, because you were a guy who bought random thing just to give it to random person in the family. You would bring us to Ciumbuleuit and choose a restaurant to have dinner with. Before we arrived at the place, you would stop at indomaret to buy pocari sweat and a full bag of gorengan, things that you always did.

And right now, may be, in the early days of 2020, you would everyday cook us the leftover corn seed to a plate of popcorn from new year that you bought until it ran out after you came home from work.

I knew that if you were here we could discuss so many things. Movie, engineering, music, food, and life. We would compare our college grades, we would compare our first salary, and we would ndusel together with mom and my brother.

You know, at the very second you were passed away, I didn't drop any tears. But, after days passed, I realized how heavy it is to not have you anymore. How crazy the world became when there's nobody told me that everything's gonna be okay.

But, the hardest part will always be I'm letting you go.

With love,
Your daughter.

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

HEHEHE?

8 Februari 2012                 Hari itu bukan hari terbaikku, bukan pula hari yang aku tunggu-tunggu. Hanya saja sejak hari itu, hidupku tak sama lagi. Bahkan ratusan hari setelah hari itu, aku masih mampu merasakan apa yang aku rasakan hari itu. Apa yang seharusnya tidak pernah aku rasakan, rasa yang memabukkan.                 Bukan di sudut sekolah paling romantis kita bertemu, bukan pula di bawah gemerlap ribuan bintang seperti lantunan lagu, hanya di satu ruang kelas biasa, ruang kelasku yang katanya kelas terujung itu. Entah ada angin apa, untuk pertama kalinya aku melihatmu masuk ke dalam ruangan itu. Hangat langsung menjalari seluruh tubuhku. Tatapmu saat itu masih tertuju padanya, pada gadis pujaanmu. Bukan, gadis pujaanmu bukanlah aku. Dia, yang bertubuh langsing bak foto model. Dia, yang kulitnya seputih salju dan wajahnya...
Baca selengkapnya

Hidup Seorang Pecundang

Cukup, berhentilah aku hidup sebagai seorang yang kalah. Bagi para pecundang, waktu tidak akan pernah menjadi sahabat, pun tak pernah sedikit memihak. Memang, manusia boleh pergi dan datang kemana pun, kapan pun, sesuka hatinya. Namun, sampaikah otak berpikir jika akan ada hati yang (merasa) diperlakukan semena-mena? Atau memang tidak pernah ada perasaan dan akal sehat yang mendasari semua perlakuan ini?  Mungkin memang harus ada yang mengalah dalam pertarungan walau mungkin belum kalah. Siapa lagi yang akan mengalah kalau bukan si pecundang? Menjadi budak penyesalan atas kesalahan orang lain, menjadi abu atas kekalahannya. Mungkin juga ini bukanlah kesalahan orang lain. Ya, namanya juga pecundang, apa sih yang dia bisa lakukan selain menyalahkan orang lain? Semut di seberang lautan terlihat, gajah di pelupuk tak kasat mata.  Harusnya sadar, bangun. Hidup ini lapang perjuangan, bukan hanya ada yang punya. Sang Empunya pun mungkin menggelengkan kepala melihat nihiln...
Baca selengkapnya

Si Paling Membaca Instruksi

Gambar
HELLOW! Pada post ini gw akan bercerita sebuah aib masa kuliah, yang tidak akan pernah gw lupakan. Walaupun setelah dipikir-pikir sebenernya biasa aja, cuma ya namanya cerita mah lebay dikit mah gapapa kali ye. Cerita ini bermula di suatu siang di Hari Kamis, Bulan Oktober 2015. Lab Fisika Dasar ITB lagi rame-ramenya karena fakultas gw lagi ganti shift praktikum. Seperti biasa, gw berkawan dengan teman seperwibuan gw, Mada, otw makan ke Saraga, tentu saja kami jalan sambil ngelambe. Tiba-tiba Mada nyeletuk,  "Lu tau gak sih UTS PTMD ada yang dapet 0?" "Hah? Kok bisa sih? Dia gak masuk kali." "Ngga, kata di emailnya sih salah baca instruksi." "Oh iya? Goblok banget anjir bisa gitu." Trus akhirnya kami sampai di Saraga, makanlah kami makanan surgawi: Ayam Crispy Saraga NYAMM. Sambil makan masih aja ngelanjut lambe. Mada duluan yang mulai, "Padahal UTS PTMD tuh udah sering dispoiler kan? Cuma benar-salah-benar-salah doang. Kok bisa salah gara-g...
Baca selengkapnya